Report From Specialist 9th Class YMIR

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180609H ENC 9008

FM CHIEF EARTHSTA 4792

TO MARSHAL PAALIAQ, COMMANDER, SATURNUSFLEETFORCOM

INFO COMMANDER, SATURNUS-EARTHRELDEVGRU

BT

UNCLAS//S239978//

REPID/GENINFO/COMSFFC

SUBJ HUMAN BEHAVIOR REPORTING IAW TASKING 22VHR365

REMARKS

  1. MOST EXALTED GRAND MARSHAL, PURSUANT TO DIRECTIVE TASKING 22VHR365, I HAVE CONDUCTED COVERT OBSERVATION AND ANALYSIS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR WRT THE PRACTICE OF “KEEPING PETS’. COMMENTS/OBSERVATIONS/CONCLUSIONS BELOW.

COMMENTS

  1. HUMANS WISH TO TURN ALMOST ALL NON-HUMAN LIFEFORMS INTO PETS. AS DEFINED IN AN EARLIER BRIEF, A “PET” IS A LIFEFORM KEPT FOR THE PURPOSES OF EMOTIONAL COMFORT AND ENJOYMENT ONLY. THIS TERM DOES NOT INCLUDE NON-HUMAN LIFEFORMS KEPT/RAISED AS SOURCES OF NOURISHMENT OR LABOR.
  2. ON YESTERDAY’S RECONNAISANCE I NOTED THE FOLLOWING BEHAVIOR: AT APPROXIMATELY 4:07 EMT, I WENT FOR A “WALK”. (THIS USED TO BE A DAILY OCCURRENCE FOR MY HUMAN “NEIGHBORS” BEFORE THE CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC-SEE REPORT DATED 220218H ENC 9008 FOR FURTHER INFORMATION). DURING MY WALK, I NOTED THAT MOST PEOPLE HAD THEIR PETS TIED TO THE END OF A ROPE. IN SOME CASES, THE PETS WILLINGLY SUBJECTED THEMSELVES TO THIS TREATMENT. IN OTHER CASES, THE PETS ACTIVELY RESISTED. THE PETS IN QUESTION WERE USUALLY DOGS (SEE REPORT DATED 190709H ENC 9008). THE OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF DOGS DID NOT APPEAR TO MIND THEIR BONDAGE. IN FACT, MOST DOGS APPEARED QUITE HAPPY. THERE WERE SEVERAL CATS (ALSO REPORT 190709H ENC 9008). THE MAJORITY OF THE CATS SEEMED EXCEPTIONALLY UNWILLING TO PARTICIPATE IN THE WALKS. THIS RESISTANCE WAS USUALLY ACCOMPANIED BY A GREAT DEAL OF GROWLING, HISSING, AND SPITTING. ON TWO OCCASIONS, THE CATS WERE ABLE TO STRIKE AT THEIR HUMANS, DRAWING BLOOD WITH FRONT AND BACK CLAWS.
  3. AS A SIDE NOTE, I SAW ONE DOG BEING WALKED IN A “STROLLER”. THAT IS A WHEELED CARRIAGE NORMALLY RESERVED FOR USE BY MOTHERS AND THEIR HUMAN OFFSPRING.

CONCLUSIONS

  1. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE SCENE I WITNESSED IN ITEM 3 ABOVE AND WILL CONDUCT FURTHER RESEARCH ON THE MATTER. I AM ADVISING THE EXALTED GRAND MARSHAL THAT DOING SO MAY REQUIRE ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT WITH THIS HUMAN. REQUEST DIRECTION AND PERMISSION.
  2. BASED ON MY OBSERVATIONS, I ADVISE THE EXALTED GRAND MARSHAL TO CONSIDER ENLISTING THE AID OF CATS TO ASSIST WITH ANY FUTURE INVASION. THEY ARE ALOOF CREATURES WHO DO NOT APPEAR TO BE ENTIRELY DEPENDENT ON THE HUMANS. IT WOULD APPEAR THAT MOST CATS MERELY TOLERATE THE PRESENCE OF HUMANS AND THAT THE GROUP WOULD WELCOME A CHANGE IN NATURAL ORDER.

SPECIALIST NINTH CLASS YMIR SENDS

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